Rio

I love Rio. The beaches are wide, busy, friendly and fun. Fun for a couple reasons. First and best, is that the people watching here is at it’s highest level. Im spending nearly all my time at the gay beach, so theres no mamas yelling at their screaming children, and if there is some kind of yelling, its a fantastic soap-opera drama…I’m hoping to see a “bitch slap” but they seem too friendly for that kind of outburst..

Next, there’s things to do.. Swim, run, bike, skateboard, slacklining, volleyball, rollerblade…. it’s so accessible.. There is a huge bike lane built right next to the beach that goes the entire length of the strand.. Many miles.
As well as a fat sidewalk right next to that for strolling or walking your dog. There are small workout stations spaced along the route too. You can do pull-ups, dips, stretches and a bunch of other exercises on these small, steel, adult playgrounds. There are little stands of everything you need right on the beach. And if there is no stand, there will be someone to come by and offer it to you in a moment.
There are little, fantastic restaurants everywhere. The food is terrific. I especially like the local bean soup served in a juice glass, side of bacon chunks and shot glass with peppered rim..all on the same small plate.
The hills, the heat, the water, the beach, the music, the beautiful people, the food, It’s a complete package that feels exciting and healthy..

I want to tan all my skin.    Well, most of it, so I went shopping.

For us single, fashion-impaired types, mirrors should be equipped with a simple light and siren system. Green light: Looking good. Ok to depart. Yellow:  Revisit your closet. there may be a  better choice. Red light: Emergency siren.. Do Not leave the house.

I think the bikini I bought was from the kiddie section. I’m not posting a picture of it here because it looks so Wal-Mart. I may qualify for XL here.
I was feeling a little pressured when I was choosing. There were three attractive young women buying bikinis too and I felt a little creepy pawing the different ones, trying to see if they might fit…
I look like a transvestite in most women’s feminine clothing.. due mostly to my ginormous shoulders.
I just grabbed one.
…any clothing choice, particularly a bikini, should not lead a person to believe  that the wearer could unstop their clogged drains.
There was a good inch or two happening above the seam in the rear.. depending which side I covered more of. The front will require a more severe application of razor…. or a Brazilian wax job. The top wasn’t any better. Planned or unplanned, clearly, there was a wardrobe malfunction already happening.

Nothing has happened in Rio. I have met a few people, an anesthesiologist and friend at the bar last night, a couple nice men and a little cutie-pie who helped me tie on the bikini top that I finally purchased right on the beach.
I walk all day… around town and from one end of the beach to the other. Then get a chair and umbrella and people watch with an ice cold Caiparina… Brazilian rum, ice, limes. Refreshing. Powerful.

Over the years, my demeanor has changed a bit. Women used to approach me.. but I think I have developed an “I-will-beat-you-up-first-ask-questions-later” kind of look…. at least that’s what my less-than-discrete friends tell me. While it keeps me safer on the streets, It’s harder to meet people. I have to initiate most conversations in order to let people know I don’t bite…

I’m supposed to leave Rio tonight, but I can’t think of anything less appealing. I love it here. I don’t want to leave. Ever.