I have made some pretty bad decisions. I can’t help thinking that this may be one of them. Everyone has a skeleton or two… My problem is, that I just can’t wait to tell everyone about mine….
If you are ok with the lesbian part, but is the limit of your comfort with discussions about sexuality, this would definitely be a good place to stop reading.
But first, I’m going to tell you a different story.
I think I was eight or nine years old and had been playing some mudpie games with my little friend Amy, a peach faced, sweet, black haired girl that I had known for a couple years already. I can’t remember how it came up, but in the middle of one mudpie, I informed her flatly that “I hate Jews.”
She looked at me.. “I am Jewish.”
We kept making pies.
She didn’t seem Jewish.. Or Jewey or any other thing that I heard being negative at all about this sort of person.
For days I kept hearing in my mind the terrible things my father would tell me about Jews, blacks, homos, or anyone else he could not, would not or did not want to understand. And then I heard my little friends sweet voice telling me she was a Jew….and I knew that he was definitely wrong about Jews.
But who and what else was he wrong about? At this young moment, I stopped trusting my fathers blank judgement. I questioned everything either silently or openly about what my parents told me. I had to know the truth.
This kind of questioning of course led to some difficult social consequences in the household and certainly did not endear me to my father.
I got into the habit of questioning. Questioning friends, authority, my lovers and even myself. The answers have been surprising and often very challenging.
I think this is also one of the reasons I have become involved with the communities that I am a part of now. I wanted to know why it is so hard to be a Navy EOD tech. I wanted to know who the people were that like to do the activities I was interested in.. Do I have the courage to learn to fly?
You’re probably wondering where this windey road is going…
I just moved in to a spot at the RV park. I noticed a couple of my neighbors.. A lady with a barkey weimarauner, and a good looking middle aged guy caddy corner behind me. I just saw him out of my side window one morning. He was watering his plants.
A day or so later, I had a camper emergency. I had somehow got my tiny, slide in camper stuck on the bed of my truck and in my haste to get my truck out from underneath it, I bent the spindly legs of it forward at a sick angle.. in a way that made me very afraid to go near it. For any reason.
I had to fix it.
I called the only person I knew that was close enough at the time to come over, but it was clear that he’d had a few celebratory glasses of beer already.
My handsome neighbor came out and with a very warm handshake and a definitely not- man smile, introduced himself as Elisabeth.
!! I was so happy, I was beside myself at having a butch lesbian as my handy next door neighbor. She saw the problem and within minutes, we had the troubled camper back on solid ground.
I told her I owed her dinner and asked if the next night would be good.
As we were driving to dinner, I exercised my small talk skills by asking her what her hobbies were… She began to tell me that she did something sexual counseling but I had just missed my exit and had to find a turnaround. As I got back on track, I asked her to please review her hobby because I thought I may have incorrectly heard her.
Elisabeth: “I guess I was being evasive”… “I am an educator in the leather community ”
My eyes get big.
Elisabeth: “I’m BDSM” (meaning Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism)
The wheels are really turning now. What do I know about this? Who do I know that is into this already? I think I remember a couple that I hung out with was rumored to be into this. Also, I had to ask myself… What have I been up to? Does it qualify in any context?
Funny questions… Funny answers..
So, I decided that I just need to ask every question that popped into my mind. And I did and am…. I have been barraging this poor neighbor with every stupid and bland question in the book for about a week now. I have been to dinner with her every night and have found countless reasons to stop by her (very nice) camper to sneak cigarette drags and pump her for information.
This is what I have found:
She’s polite beyond the average standard. Her expectation and interest in her lifestyle nearly mirrors my expectation and interest in flying a paraglider. She is educated, aware, extremely intuitive of others and her surroundings…. And, is causing me to rethink some poorly thought out judgements.
So, while I can’t force myself not to think about kinky sex right now, I am still somewhat disturbed by knowing that in her world, wearing a fuchsia hankey in your left pocket means you are a spanker but in the right pocket means you are a spankee.